Today I’m posting some precious memories that I shared with my mom as I near the first anniversary of losing her suddenly to a brain tumor. Warning: kleenex will be required. I could barely make it through writing this. But I pray that this will be a blessing to someone.
One year ago today, maybe not exactly today, but one year ago, you held my hand for the last time. I remember being in your room with Papa (my dad), it was quiet and peaceful. At times your room was full of people, laughing, crying, praying. We reminisced, made decisions. But above all we were the family that you made us.
We talked to you and you tried and tried to open your eyes. We could see you blink and try so hard. You followed us as we took turns speaking. We watched over the days as your heart rate calmed as we spoke to you and how we could tell when the grandkids came in that you were excited to see them.
I watched miracle after miracle each day, even though you laid sleeping. When pastor came and he sang to you as you have sung all those years in worship. You were singing! You turned your head side to side and kept the rhythm and had that look that you always had when you were singing with the praise and worship teams on Sundays.
I remember the look on your face when the nurses would come in and you were so worried. You always hated getting blood drawn and going to the doctors. You looked so worried, but as we talked to you and told it was ok, you held our hands.
I remember the look of peace and happiness when Papa would talk to you, or sing or gently kiss your cheek. Even though you were in a coma, everyone could tell that you were so in love with him. It showed on your face and the way you held his hand. What a love story!
But for me, I will always remember the night you held my hand. Papa had left the room and we were alone. I held your hand. I was immediately taken back to when I was young and all of those times you held my hand. I always loved it when you held my hand no matter how old I was.
Here I was holding your hand. But the miracle was that no matter what anyone said, you knew I was there. You held my hand! You held my hand so tight and stroked my hand so sweetly. I was so amazed and I just talked to you like always. I just stood there for the longest time and neither of us wanted to let go and I know neither of us ever will.
No matter what anyone says, there you were with each one of us. Each one of us experienced something so sweet from you; something that each one of us will carry in our hearts forever.