I can not believe that I have agreed to this! I am going to have double knee surgery! I must be nuts.
Why would I agree to such a thing? Well, for starters, I’m tired of hurting all of the time and I do mean all of the time. I also have these goals for myself that I really want to accomplish and I don’t see how I can accomplish them without having surgery, (1) to get back into shape, (2) to be healthy, (3) to feel good about myself. If you’ve never had a knee injury before then it’s really hard to understand how much it hurts. I’ve put this off for at least a decade. During this decade, I’ve been unable to workout or at least when I try to workout, my knees burn and throb and swell. I’m at the point now where I can’t even do a simple lunge or squat without tearing up. My favorite hobby, walking around the mall, is extremely painful and I’m not even in heels!
During this decade, I’ve been unable to workout or at least when I try to workout, my knees burn and throb and swell. I’m at the point now where I can’t even do a simple lunge or squat without tearing up. My favorite hobby, walking around the mall, is extremely painful and I’m not even in heels! After a long discussion with my husband, my kids, and my orthopedist we all feel this is the right thing to do.
Part of being healthy is being able to be at a healthy weight and I’m not. I’ll be honest that I have about 40 pounds or so that I need and want to lose. I have gained so much the last few years because I haven’t been able to work out. Even though eating healthy is a big part of that, it can only do so much. Without exercise, I’m not sure that I can lose all that I need to lose. Plus I really want to look like a shorter version of Wonder Woman or Black Widow and I definitely need to workout for that!
I also want and need to feel good about myself. I know all of those people that shout about how you should love yourself at the weight you’re at are probably wanting to scream at me. But I don’t like how I look at this weight. I don’t like how I feel at this weight. I may love myself, but I love myself enough to be honest. The weight has to go. It’s not healthy. I miss being able to go to a store and try on clothes that not only fit but look good on me. I miss wearing dresses and skirts. I haven’t worn a skirt in years because I can’t stand how it looks on me. I’m tired of trying on clothes and then doing my best not to cry in the dressing room. I don’t like how sluggish I feel and that I’m tired all of the time.
I also want to be a role model for my kids. Even though my kids are 23, 21 and 19, I’m still their mom. I want them to see me succeed. I want to be around for them as long as possible. After the past couple of years of watching my girls go through surgeries and my husband battle cancer this year, I need to do something for me. This is part of me taking care of myself. Something most of us wives and moms don’t do enough of.
After a long conversation with my orthopedist today, he, my family and I have decided it’s time to fix the problem instead of continually putting a band-aid on it. I’ve tried physical therapy, pushing myself to work through it and getting cortisone injections in my knees (which has officially worn off). Thankfully, my ortho says I’m too young to get yearly cortisone shots! So, the last step is surgery. Fortunately, it’s not knee replacement surgery, just a good cleaning out and fixing some possible tears.
I have a long road ahead of me. I have hurt most of my life in my knees, most of the time it’s been minimal until the past couple of years and it’s just gotten progressively worse. So it’s time to fix all the damage I’ve done to my knees over the years and once I’m over the worst of the pain, comes a new beginning and a lot of work. When I no longer hurt and can do every day things again with no pain, it will be so worth it! Am I scared? Of course, I am. But sometimes, in order to feel better, we have to do these things and this is my next step.
Becoming healthy isn’t always an easy journey. We need to support one another. I’d love to have your prayers and say a prayer for you also and I’d love to hear about your journey, too.
Faith Barbare says
I know it’s not an easy choice to make, buy you are going to be so happy you did. Once it’s all said and done the pain for the surgery and the road of recovery will fade. Im wishing you a smooth surgery and a quick recovery. I am currently on recovery from one foot, once it gets better i’ll have surgery on my other foot. Totally can relate girl. You got this!!
Tera Bare says
You are so sweet! Just the encouragement I needed to hear. I’m gonna keep reminding myself of that over the next months. Praying for a speedy recovery and smooth next surgery for you too! We can do it!