One year ago today, we were preparing to say goodbye to my mother for the last time. She had passed away from the tumor she never knew
she had. We had prayed so hard for a miracle. But miracles don’t always come in the way you expect or the way we want. We all kept saying and thinking, that if God healed our daughter Becca and brought her from her coma, then we knew He could do the same for mom.
My mom was only 59 and had just had her birthday. And here we were facing the hardest decisions we as a family had ever faced. The day my mom passed away was full of anticipation and feelings that I can’t express. There was the anticipation that when all of her family, friends and church family prayed over her for healing and that God’s will would be done, that she would wake up, smile and be Myra. The other were the feelings of what life would be like if she wasn’t healed in the way we wanted or the dread of knowing what would life would be like without her here.
After our pastor prayed over her with everyone gathered in her small hospital room, it became silent. So silent that I thought I was being smothered. I couldn’t breathe and I looked over at my brother and could tell he felt the same way. I just wanted to scream. We knew everyone was waiting, just waiting for my mom to wake up. But we felt as though the world was caving in on us. And then nothing, or so we thought.
My mom did pass away that night. She did so with the love of her life gently and sweetly by her side. He held her hand from the moment he met her till the moment they parted. They are still holding hands everyday. A love that will last a lifetime a love made in heaven.
My mom went to her real home in heaven. Does that take away all of the pain and heartache we feel? No, but we just know that we will see her again and that she is no longer dealing with cancer. A friend put it best to me like this, “You will still grieve and miss her always. That never goes away. You just learn a new normal and relearn how to do the same things differently.” Does my mom’s passing mean that she wasn’t healed or that we simply didn’t believe enough? No way! I have learned over the years that healing comes in many forms, total instant healing, healing that comes over time, and the healing that comes with death (I’m sure there are more ways). My mom was healed although it wasn’t the healing we wanted. We wanted the instant; we would have even taken the slow route.
My mom’s condition and passing was hard to take, especially since it was so sudden. My mom was healthy one day, smiling, laughing and then in the evening stricken by an aneurism and then in a coma. But as hard as it is now and was then, it was also very gracious of God. My mom was blessed to have lived without the knowledge of knowing she had cancer and a brain tumor. She would have been terrified. The doctors told us what she would have been facing and us as a family if we had known earlier or if she survived the aneurism. We were fully prepared to take it on; this is what a family does for their loved ones. But God saved her from that future and gave her a complete healing. She no longer has headaches, she no longer faces the long road of recovery or worse, bound to life in a bed.
She is singing with God. She has met Jesus! She gets to talk to Mary, Queen Esther, Noah, Moses, the disciples and more! Can you imagine? Although, my heart wants her here more than anything, and yes, I still beg God to send her back, and I still cry myself to sleep at night; I’m glad that my mother is healed. It is not always easy and there are days when I still feel as though I can’t breathe. I just have to rely on God and that He knows best and that I will see her again. Until then, I will pass on everything she taught me, and continue her legacy of faith, hope and love.